Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Murder-Suicide Fad?

Two Families

Two families this week, one in California and one in Ohio, decided that a fast exit from life was the best strategy with dealing with their stressful crises be it financial or personal, respectively. The male head of the household made that decision for themselves and their entire immediate family. The one thing the stories have in common is that no one saw this coming. No one saw this coming. I beg to differ. At the risk of being called nosy, do we really care to look beyond the surface?

A Thin Line

The inter-relation of homicide and suicide is too thin to slice. It's just a matter of where the anger, frustration, etc. is pointed. What lies beneath, is a deteriorated coping mechanism. The incapacity of thinking rationally for a solution, leaving you with a dead end of hopelessness. What saddens me is that this level of despair has medical answers if people just had a chance to stop and seek help.

Those Left Behind

We will never have all the answers or even know all the facts. All we can do is learn to live with the certainty of not knowing. No one need fester. No one need despair. There are places you can go, people you can see, things you can do to find hope, find healing, and see a ray light amongst the darkness. Talk to other survivors of such loss. Learn that you are not alone. We can face the issue, debunk the stigma, heal and help others do the the same.

Ask someone how they are doing today. Then take the time to really listen.

We should never feel the need to bow our heads in shame.

There is hope, there is. We just have to believe. Tomorrow will be better.

Feeling the need to help survivors cope with their loss...

The Afterw@rd

Monday, January 26, 2009

Just buck up and get over it.

Now, I like to consider myself a selective, erudite reader. However, every so often I may stumble into and stall at TMZ, erroneously click on an OMG! link, or turn my newspaper to the style section to see how non-hip I am today. Then, I shamefully and quickly move on to the news of the day.

But today was different.

Today I read something that struck me to my core. It even inspired me to dig deeper for the actual article. On January 23, 2009, Peter Davis interviewed Danny Masterson (That 70s Show) and Bijou Phillips (who knows who she is, this is the first time I've even hear of her) for Paper Magazine. Don't take it from me, let me show you the egregious quote directly from the source:

"At one point, Phillips goes off on a long tangent about the dangers of psychiatrists medicating patients for depression or anxiety. "My grandparents didn't take any pills and they were fine. Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a [expletive] pansy," she says, her bird-like voice taking on a deeper tone. "


What?! Is she on crack or what?! No, just Scientology! Didn't John Travolta, not just finished losing his autistic son to a seizure? I will have to pull a Nancy Reagan, and "Just say No!" thanks to her advice.

The sad thing is that there are people who actually think this way. The worst part is that there are actually people who actually listen to this mess and believe it just because she said it was so.

They just don't have a clue that this is a diagnosable medical condition. A condition that needs medical attention. One million people commit suicide each year worldwide, tens of millions attempt. If depression could be controlled, then 90% of all suicides wouldn't happen.

How's that for star power? Thanks a million.

The Afterw@rd

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Rubber Meets the Road

Many have placed their hope on now President Barack H. Obama. I say don't. Give his administration space to make error, to be human, to earn the stature, seemingly already hoisted upon him, of being an outstanding president.

It still remains to be seen how effective he will be. How will he impact how people are treated for mental illness, on soldiers coming home with post-traumatic stress disorder, how we can work together to prevent suicide, etc. It still remains to be seen the support what support will be granted to military families, etc.

While initial steps have been positive, as President Obama said, the price of citizenship is how we hold his administration accountable for their actions.

Let us let them act.

Inaugurally yours,

The Afterw@rd

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Revelations

Suicide is such a difficult topic to talk about. It sure isn't sexy, warm or fuzzy. It produces some of the rawest of emotions. Shame, guilt, and anger, to name just a few.

I've been talking about suicide and The Afterw@rd for the last two years. In working to overcome the suicide demons, I raised money for organizations, walked 40-miles, truly put my business out on the curb e-mailing everyone I knew and their mother.

Yet it was only today that a good friend told me she had attempted once. Gladly, she's still here to talk about it. But the reason that triggered her revelation is not. She lost a former co-worker and friend to suicide last week. All the emotions came rushing back.

Everyone was thrown for a loop. No one saw the signs. No one guessed the pain. No one interceded. Now they live with the guilt, the what if, the why did he...

My friend sends me an email talking about how The Afterw@rd can make a difference.

I beg to differ. It is being in community that makes a difference. It is the letting go of the stigma, the raising of our awareness, the recognition of the signs, and the admittance that most deaths are avoidable, if we just faced the issue of "this" being a disease. It is about digging deeper, opting to not just scratch the surface of those around you.

Ask how people how they are doing. Then sitting back to listen.

That's what makes a difference. Caring for one another.

The Afterw@rd

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A Son Remembered...

Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2009 11:24 AM
Subject: Chad

Chad's death changed my life forever. He is the one person who I knew loved me unconditionally and told me so. I think of him all the time and look at his pictures every day.

God has really been dealing with me and I am not sure where or when this came to me but it did. Chad knew how much I worried about him and how much concern I had over him. We always spoke with each other for the other not to worry about the other one. He shared with me in December on his visit how much he was worried about me. He knew I was overly concerned about his relationship and life.

Chad came to the point where he did not want us living in worry over him. He was so tired in the end and shared this with me Christmas [sic]. So one night I was awakened this fall with Chad on my mind. I knew he was in a better place, well and smiling, He was watching over me and wants me to be happy. He had no idea what his death would do to all of us.

So I try each day to celebrate his life. To remember the good things about our times. The fun times in our life and his beautiful eyes and smile. The greatest gift he had was his tender heart and giving ways.

I too will be thankful when this 1 year is behind us. Their are days when I wish him back, when I long to talk with someone or feel so lonely as he had a way about him to make me feel good. Saturday I will celebrate his life.

I would like to plant something out there but not sure what. I am going to Costo [sic] Friday and buy some flowers. He loved flowers and plants.

Nancy

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

I will laugh about suicide, in that out loud, curl over with an aching belly and tears streaming down my face, hyperventilating type laugh.

I will find the comedy in the pain.

I will give voice to the journey.

I will do it amongst family, those who have involuntarily faced and walked the path of loss. We are not alone.

I will find healing through writing, through sharing, through living.

I will feel hope that we can end suicide as we know it.

I will do it through you.

Submit to The Afterw@rd.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

I am thankful for a new year
a new opportunity to start again
to make corrections and improvements
to tweak this, sharpen that
to make up for wrongs
to be showered and blessed for rights done
to remember and learn from those past
now gone
thankful I am still here
for lessons learned
however difficult and challenging
for friends that care
for vibrancy, overflowing talent, passion and fervor
for the things that matter
love
family and friends
health
mission
life.

Wishing you all an amazing New Year 2009!

The Afterw@rd